5 Reasons I’m Breaking Up With DC

we're done

I promise I’m not usually this abusive with my lovers.

First, I’d like to make it clear that I’m NOT making this about Ben Affleck. I actually support this decision and agree with people like Val Kilmer (“Give Ben a chance!”) and Joss Whedon that he’ll “crush it” as Bruce Wayne/Batman (as long as he gets the right material, keep reading for more on this).  No, this breakup is a cumulative decision for a multitude of reasons that you’ll get a peek at below.  Let’s start with number one:

We’re Going in Separate Directions

Look, DC, I love you. There’s no questioning that. We’ve had some great times together, including some of the best cinematic and comic book experiences of my life. However, all of your recent decisions have just proven to me that we’re just not in the same place right now.  Continuuity issues and retcons plague your comic books and your movies, save one, have just been head scratchers of late. I’m in a place where I see how much fun all of my other friends are having in their Marvel relationships, and how GOOD and exciting their lives together have been.  I need that feeling again.

I Feel Like We’re Just Going Through the Motions

Look DC, I know you’re just trying to play catch up with the other, prettier options out there. However, trust me when I say you can’t just try and emulate what everyone else is doing.  You have to be your own entity or you’ll end up missing the point entirely.   Don’t diversify just to be diverse in your comic books, there needs to be a reason for a change in your characters or your teams. Don’t make quick decisions just because of the success of others. Establish your own identity and then finding your own path to success will come naturally.

Your Friends Are Getting in the Way

I love spending time with you DC. However, your new friends have started to drive a wedge between us. It seems that David S. Goyer and Zack Snyder are in creative control of your most iconic character and are now deciding the direction in which to take the world’s greatest detective. This is a problem. After Man of Steel it has become quite apparent that this not-so-dynamic duo doesn’t get Superman and have left little to no faith in me that they’ll be able to do the Caped Crusader any justice at all.

Our Intimate Moments are Wonderful but There’s No Substance

Look, we both know what happnes in our alone time together is absolutely Earth shattering. Your animated films and TV shows put other companies to shame. With recent successes like Justice League Doom, Flashpoint Paradox, Wonder Woman, Superman/Batman: Public Enemies, and Arrow it’s incredibly hard for me to tear away from you. But while I enjoy these works, most of my friends just don’t get the connection between them and myself. They look at them and can’t see past their cartoon presentation.  THESE are what your live action films should emulate.  Alas, they aren’t enough to keep me hanging around while the rest of our relationship together falls so flat.

There’s No Trust Between Us

While this is kind of a collection of the previous, I feel it deserves its own category. The aforementioned items may be reasons that I can no longer trust you, but it’s also become painfully obvious that a more glaring problem is that you no longer trust me. I’m your core audience. I’m the one that you could have relied on when everyone else abandoned you, yet you treat me with such disregard. Marvel is out there making comic book movies for comic book fans, while you’re making comic book movies for mainstream audiences. While I don’t want you to be exactly what others are, you need to be something that actually makes sense. Do you want to know why people pick apart the things that don’t make any sense at all in The Dark Knight Rises as opposed to making up reasonable excuses (like why SHIELD didn’t step in during
the events of Iron Man 3)? Because TDK series is “grounded in reality.” Do you know what happens to people who try to be Batman in “reality” DC?  THIS.  And nobody wants that.

You need to trust that comic book movies will bring comic book fans in droves to the theater, or the quality and believe-ability of your movie franchises will continue to decline.


Your Ex-Lover

Bonus Reason – Man of Steel.

Seriously.  WTF.



Filed under Fun

2 responses to “5 Reasons I’m Breaking Up With DC

  1. Victor

    I must both agree and disagree. Yes, DC was on the path of merely aping Marvel with a Justice League movie. But then they opted for a Superman-Batman team up instead. Those two will draw more interest than any subsequent Avengers film, I think.

    I also think the DC comics are still better written than Marvel these days. It seems every new Marvel comic is the Avengers in an endless battle against the X-Men or alien invaders. As a fan of X-Men, that disappoints me. Also, talking to other fans, it seems Marvel fans are more disappointed with the current crop of comics than DC fans.

    And I still don’t get the anti-Rises attitude. The Marvel movies can be fun (See:Iron Man, Avengers) but have seriously dropped the ball with Cap and Thor, I think. Very superficial and shallow. I don’t really see those guys as heroes. They’re just sort of there. Being heroic is really the forte of the Spiderman, X-Men, Batman and Superman films. That element seems to have been overlooked by the official Marvel movies.

    Just my two cents.

  2. Tony B Kim

    Ha, good post. I have said the same thing but my last phrase every time is: “I can’t quit you!”
    Great job Sean 🙂

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